now it’s the long wait
once again
at least i tried right?

[LuLu~] where’s the other side of the rainbow?

exactly one more month before holiday starts and really looking forward!

it’s been an exciting year so far. with or without you i think i’m going to be okay.

alright, done with my rare appearance on here for now. maybe more another time!

[LuLu~] baby steps

Lord make me a rainbow, I’ll shine down on my mother
She’ll know I’m safe with you when she stands under my colors
Oh, and life ain’t always what you think it ought to be, no
Ain’t even gray, but she buries her baby

The sharp knife of a short life
Well, I’ve had just enough time

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

The sharp knife of a short life
Well, I’ve had just enough time

And I’ll be wearing white when I come into your kingdom
I’m as green as the ring on my little cold finger
I’ve never known the loving of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand

There’s a boy here in town, says he’ll love me forever
Who would have thought forever could be severed by
The sharp knife of a short life
Well, I’ve had just enough time

So put on your best, boys, and I’ll wear my pearls
What I never did is done

A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I’ll sell ‘em for a dollar
They’re worth so much more after I’m a goner
And maybe then you’ll hear the words I been singing
Funny, when you’re dead how people start listening

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

The ballad of a dove
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep ‘em in your pocket
Save them for a time when you’re really gonna need them, oh

The sharp knife of a short life
Well, I’ve had just enough time
So put on your best, boys
And I’ll wear my pearls

For the past month, I’ve had the best trip of my life (so far)! Made new friends and met a few old ones too. Of course it was special as I got to spend time with D (though it was short) and S flew over just to see me!

Really like Europe. And I’ll surely go back to see more. Perhaps live there?

But now it’s back to reality. Even though I’ve only been back a couple of days, the trip felt so surreal and yet unforgettable.

Lots to do, lots to settle, lots to catch up. So until the next time… I missed blogging!

[LuLu~] it’s not the same…

[LuLu~] see you in a month

I’ve been sitting here staring at the clock on the wall
And I’ve been laying here praying, praying she won’t call
It’s just another call from home
And you’ll get it and be gone and I’ll be crying

And I’ll be begging you, baby, beg you not to leave
But I’ll be left here waiting with my heart on my sleeve
Oh, for the next time we’ll be here
Seems like a million years and I think I’m dying
What do I have to do to make you see she can’t love you like me?

Why don’t you stay? I’m down on my knees
I’m so tired of being lonely, don’t I give you what you need?
When she calls you to go, there is one thing you should know
We don’t have to live this way, baby, why don’t you stay?

You keep telling me, baby there will come a time
When you will leave her arms and forever be in mine
But I don’t think that’s the truth
And I don’t like being used and I’m tired of waiting
It’s too much pain to have to bear to love a man you have to share

Why don’t you stay? I’m down on my knees
I’m so tired of being lonely, don’t I give you what you need?
When she calls you to go, there is one thing you should know
We don’t have to live this way, baby, why don’t you stay?

I can’t take it any longer but my will is getting stronger
And I think I know just what I have to do
I can’t waste another minute after all that I’ve put in it
I’ve given you my best, why does she get the best of you?
So next time you find you wanna leave her bed for mine

Why don’t you stay? I’m up off my knees
I’m so tired of being lonely, you can’t give me what I need
When she begs you not to go, there is one thing you should know
I don’t have to live this way, baby, why don’t you stay?

anyway things are settling down a little and for now it’s the bit of roller coaster ride where you’re going slow and just enjoying the view.

been really distracted lately. gave up studying last night and went to P’s place to play with buddha! little kitty is growing fatter and still acting weird (as usual). he even tried to bite me! either my arm is fat or he’s just really hungry. today i decided to go for facial and wasted a few hours again! oh well at least i’ll look prettier. i think.

Counting down is kinda exciting! but i’m impatient too!!!!!!
7 days to summer break
8 days to the first time we met a year ago (FC OMG!)
9 days to Kenn + Karin Wedding
41 days to my BIRTHDAY!
51 days to Roger + Pec Wedding
63 days to EUROPE!!!!!!!!!!!!
.
.
.
.
.

can’t wait can’t wait can’t wait!!!!

[LuLu~] missing you

Updated:

Feeling really helpless. There’s nothing I can do to change the situation and circumstance that we’re in. I have absolutely no control over what may or may not happen. I know that’s what life is all about – unpredictable. But today shall be a good day. At least I still have you. In a way.

Chest to chest
Nose to nose
Palm to palm
We were always just that close
Wrist to wrist
Toe to toe
Lips that felt just like the inside of a rose
So how come when I reach out my finger
It feels like more than distance between us

In this California king bed
We’re 10,000 miles apart
I’ve been California wishing on these stars
For your heart on me
My California king

Eye to eye
Cheek to cheek
Side by side
You were sleeping next to me
Arm in arm
Dusk to dawn
With the curtains drawn
And a little last night on these sheets
So how come when I reach out my fingers
It seems like more than distance between us

In this California king bed
We’re 10,000 miles apart
I’ve been California wishing on these stars
For your heart on me
My California king

Just when I felt like giving up on us
You turned around and gave me one last touch
That made everything feel better
And even then my eyes got wetter
So confused wanna ask you if you love me
But I don’t wanna seem so weak
Maybe I’ve been California dreaming

In this california king bed
We’re 10,000 miles apart
California wishing on these stars
For your heart on me
My California King

-Rihanna

in my very honest opinion, all i see is grown ups behaving like teenagers bad mouthing each other. it’s like all hell broke lose during rally speeches – accusations, name-calling (yes our own leaders stooping to that level – i’m ashamed). and people actually cheered when snark remarks are made to the opposing party. i can almost visualise people carrying fire torches and chanting ‘burn burn burn!!!!!!!!’ like those in the movies. seriously, watching rally speeches makes me cringe.

isn’t GE about making Singapore a better place for all? shouldn’t rally speeches be about how the party will actually go about improving the lives of Singaporeans, introducing policies beneficially to most (come on let’s admit it the only thing that benefits everyone is probably throwing shitloads of money at them), devising concrete and feasible sounding plans for the future (or at least the next 5 years). don’t build sandcastles in the sky!

i agree that Singapore needs more opposition member in the parliament, let them be voices of the people, to check and balance our government. i’ve seen quite a few members of opposition party who seemed genuinely passionate about the welfare of Singaporeans and have the capabilities to achieve what they promised. those are the people i want to be in our parliament, to help mould the future of Singapore. but the rest? i’m sorry, if you can’t even speak proper english, how are you able to articulate and present coherent arguements for or against policies during parliament? if you don’t have an impressive education background, how are you able to understand the complex policies and in turn evaluate the cost and beneft implementing these policies? don’t tell me that it brings them closer to the people. if that’s the case, and you REALLY care about the welfare of the people, go volunteer at charites. you’ll make a bigger difference there.

for now i’m pro-PAP. yes they have made some huge mistakes in the past. yes they have a few ‘black sheeps’ who makes me want to be irrational and not vote for them. yes they are arrogant and might be borderlining dictatorship. and definitely there’s a lot of room for improvements but don’t you think Singapore is doing pretty damn well over the past decades? stop whinning and complaining like the typical Singaporeans. be thankful that you’re living here. when government raised tax, you start complaining when people in other countries can only dream of our low tax rates. why make such a big huge gigantic fuss out of Mas Selamat escaping? i’m extremely thankful that here in Singapore i can party till 4 in the morning and walk home on my own without worrying much. which other country do you see people leaving their bags in their seats and go order food in MacDonald’s because IT IS JUST THAT SAFE HERE. be thankful for the low crime rate please! housing is too expensive? TOO BAD WE’RE JUST A TINY ISLAND WITH EXTREMELY LIMITED LAND. compare our housing prices with other densely populated cities and you’ll see. and don’t get me started on foreign talents. I LIKE SEEING THE CUTE AND HOT ANGMO IN CBD AND I’M NOT ASHAMED TO SAY IT! i wouldn’t have met D too. so many things to be thankful for and you should sit down, cool your head and consider carefully how fortunate you are for being able to live in this country.

well i think this year’s strong support for opposition is a good thing. it’s forcing PAP to change the way it operates and evaluate their past mistakes. heck PM Lee even apologised! and to those who said apologising doesn’t make a difference, that’s true BUT you can’t deny this man of how well Singapore has done over the past few years especially during the economic crisis. we need change. for the better. can opposition really promise a better Singapore if they won? i think it’s too big a risk to take and the odds of them doing a better job than PAP (or even on par) is low. let’s face it, they just don’t have the experience and enough resources to lead a country of this calibre.

vote for the party who truely deserve to lead this country. don’t base your vote on just one prominent member of that party. LOOK AT THE BIG PICTURE PEOPLE.

by the way, i’m in the marine parade GRC. i think nicole seah would have the potential to make it big one day. but she needs a much stronger team and perhaps gain more experience first. she’s an asset to NSP. i’m not sure if i should say this. but had she joined PAP instead, i’m sure she’ll win hands down and get into parliament and most importantly, make a difference.

and to my non-singaporean friends. i’m sure you’re amused by all this. i can’t wait for the GE to be over when we can move on with our lives and see how promises are kept/broken (same old regardless who wins).

[LuLu~] see you real soon!

i’m a coward. i’m afraid of knowing your reason for not contacting. not in a ‘since you don’t talk to me then i won’t talk to you as well’ kind of way. but i’m afraid to know that you don’t want to have anything to do with me anymore. perhaps you’re just really busy, perhaps you’re hoping i would take some initiative to show that i care. but those reasons doesn’t register in my over analytical mind. yes in this area i’m more of a pessimist than an optimist. it’s a downward spiral after not contacting someone over time. reconnecting just becomes more and more awkward and in my sick little mind i’m more convinced that you hate me now.

i’m also afraid of rejections. i don’t take them really well so i try my hardest to avoid being rejected in the first place. this developed into the ‘if i don’t show that i care, i can’t get hurt’ mindset. so in this sick little mind of mine once again, it interprets trying to initiate contact as a tell tale sign of showing my care and concern. that is a big no no! a sign of weakness! that’s how you let others hurt you when they don’t reciprocate your effort to reconnect! hence you get the drill. i went silent on you.

so please forgive me if i’ve ‘ignored’ (went silent) on you. i still do care about you very much. please talk to me if i have not. i promise to be nice! and if i tried getting in touch with you, please understand how big a deal it is to me and be gentle on me – though i’m still a horrible person.

if only all you out there knew how much facebook stalking i’ve done on all of you! (I’M NOT PSYCHOTIC!!!) you’d see how much i do care and want to know what is happening in your lives. but for the time being, i’m still going to be the coward that i am… but trying to be better!!

[LuLu~] is this it?